Awkward affection

Something weird happened on Friday, a real rarity.

I had a spontaneous display of affection towards Whirling Dervish.

Evil, cold stepmother… I hear your thoughts!

We stopped in to see WD at her grandparents’ as she was staying there the night and she was absolutely delightful. Caterwauling in the bath then running around the house in a massive, fluffy red towel as a fellow Superman (I was still in Children in Need attire).

Giggling, engaging, no ‘yes but’ and her version of an explanation of everything someone says. Delight is the best word I can use.

As we were leaving I gave her a huge squeeze and a kiss on the top of the head… and what’s more, I didn’t feel weird about it.

I’m not a massively tactile person and I really struggle with how I should be, physically and affectionately, with Whirling Dervish.

I’m generally awkward around children, even my nephews and Wise Best Friend’s children, and I don’t like them to ever feel that they HAVE to give a kiss or hug if they don’t want to. All this is amplified with Whirling Dervish.

We have been in each other’s lives for five years and I still feel like I don’t want to push it.

Of course, this could be nothing to do with Whirling Dervish, I’m just more sensitive to it with her and it’s more down it my lack of touchy-feeliness.

But part of me feels like I SHOULD put it on so she doesn’t grow up as thinking of me as detached and unloving.

Part of my general over zealous self-analysis fears that if I am more tactile with her I will suddenly have an outbreak of broodiness. Paranoid, much?

So, I will treasure the genuine moments and for the rest of the time try not to feel evil and cold by just being available for hand holding, piggy backs and all being squashed together on the sofa.

It’s not that bad really, is it?

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