Ex-wife Etiquette

My relationship with Whirling Dervish’s (WD) Mum has been a very weird evolution.

When we first ‘met’ I had been seeing New Husband for a few months and was in the car when we dropped Whirling Dervish home.

New Husband didn’t introduce us there and then so we just didn’t acknowledge each other.

We must have spent the best part of two years acting like we were separate planes of existence. It was bizarre; we would talk ‘through’ New Husband or Whirling Dervish, but we might as well have been on different ends of the light spectrum to each other when in person.

WD’s Mum eventually broke the barrier one Christmas Day by wishing me a Merry Christmas directly and so, since then, over the following three years, we can gone from smiles and nods, to talking, to chats on the edge of the playground, to discussing her pregnancy (the baby is due within days of my birthday so I have joked (not a joke) that I don’t share my birthday).

We have another step forward recently, just prior to New Husband’s birthday where WD’s Mum sent me text with what Whirling Dervish wanted to get for her Dad as a present and she could pick it up. A brief text conversation back and forth, all very friendly and all sorted.

Part of my brain thinks this is all very strange, we shouldn’t get along or have anything to do with each other, but that is just daft. That’s the ostrich part of my brain that sticks its head in the sand when awkward situations arise.

WD’s Mum and New Husband were separated for two years before I came on the scene so there is no issue/ insecurity/ ill feeling there on my part and, obviously I can’t speak for her, but no reason for there to be on her part either (and it doesn’t come across as though she has).

So why then did it take so long for us to act like normal people around each other?

I have said to friends over the development of my relationship with New Husband and Whirling Dervish, that there should be an ‘Ex’s Etiquette Guide’ (also to include things such as ‘should I congratulate my ex on the birth of his new baby’).


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